“Out of Darkness”
By Jennifer Saake
I’m just a mom, like you. I was going along like every day, driving kids to appointments and play dates, juggling a crazy hectic schedule, cooking meals, cleaning house, living a blissfully normal life. I got a kink in my neck, triggering a migraine that put me down for days. None of my normal remedies were working so I looked up the nearest chiropractor our new insurance would cover and called my mom to drive me there mid-morning.
My life was never the same after…
…an artery was dissected on the treatment table. I experienced 2 massive bleeds to my brain stem and cerebellum (emotionally, and physically, damage of this part of the brain took out walking abilities and left me feeling and acting “chronically drunk”). I entered that office under my own power, of my own free will. I left on an ambulance gurney after a seizue, blindness, garbled speech and loosing consciousness within moments of my neck manipulation. Our kids were 5, 8 and 11.
The two months of hospitalization (including 4 more strokes and two semi-emergency surgeries) that followed were hard, but the hardest season for our marriage, our family, was over the following year as I flew into daily rages and yelling fits, endured several more surgeries (3 in attempts to restore hearing to my left ear that remains highly compromised to this day), grueling months of physical therapy and relearning of all the basics from breathing without drowning in my own saliva, to “potty training” and learning to care for personal needs, to relearning how to walk, first with a walker, then a cane. The kids lived with grandparents for eight months, I cried about EVERYTHING (literally, “The sky is blue.” and I would reply with sobs and accusation, “Why did you say that?!”), then the kids finally moved home and the 5 year old would get in trouble daily, on massive scales, testing my new limits. I really missed my simple, old life!
There was great depression, anger, struggles with God over why He had even left me here. With time, therapy and much prayer (my own and countless other interceding to God on my behalf) here are my recent thoughts just past the 3-year-mark. If you are in a season of utter hopelessness, physical, emotional, mental, spiritual or some of each, my encouragement to you is simply to hang on and a reminder that the darkness will ease and this season darkness will ease and this season WILL NOT LAST FOREVER. You can do this. And if your life seems boring, mundane, simple, embrace and enjoy today!”
Here is a video of my life now!
Jenni Saake is a wife, mom (of 3 long-awaited miracles on earth and three more awaiting them in Heaven), and author. Her first book, Hannah’s Hope: Seeking God’s Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage and Adoption Loss was published in 2005 and has sold nearly 19,000 copies. Several more books are in the works, though multiple strokes in 2011 have delayed this process. She blogs her ongoing recovery journey at StrokeOfGrace.blogspot.com